FACT

AUTISIM STEALS A CHILD EVERY 20 MINUTES

Good Philosophy

Good Philosophy

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming– WOW   WHAT A RIDE!!!

Thought For The Day

                                    “One Nation Under God” 

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,   Jesus Christ and the American G.I.

                ~One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.~

Obstacles

So you think your day offers obstacles???

You are a South African bush pilot. You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital. It’s a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you’re eager to get back up to the cool, high blue yonder. On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade, within 10 miles, has become very popular . . You start calculating the distance to the plane door and wonder,  “Do I feel lucky today?”

Math Quiz

Here’s the scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer:

Get off the children’s merry-go-round–you’re drunk.

What The Hell Happened To Our Schools?!?!

This is kind of a long read, but it makes you ask yourself, “What the hell happened to our schools?” Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an 8th grade education?  Well, check this out.  I don’t even know some of this stuff, at my age.  Well, I guess that’s not saying much though.  Bad comparison I guess. 🙂

 This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th GRADE FINAL EXAM

Grammar (Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.

2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no  Modifications.

3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.

4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of  lie, lay and run

5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.

6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.

7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.

2. A wagon box is 2 ft deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?

3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050lbs. for tare?

4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?

5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.

6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.

7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?

8. Find bank discount on $300 for! 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.

9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?

10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U. S. History is divided.

2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.

3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.

4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.

5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.

6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.

7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?

8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)

1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography,  etymology, and syllabication?

2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?

3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, and linguals?

4. Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’.

5. Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e.’ Name two exceptions under each rule.

6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.

7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word:  bi, dis,mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup

8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the  following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.

9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.

10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)

1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?

2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?

3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?

4. Describe the mountains of North America.

5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall & Orinoco.

6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.

7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.

8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?

9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.

10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Also notice that the exam took five hours to complete. Gives the saying “she/he only had an 8th grade education” a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?  What happened to us?   It is kind of humbling, isn’t it?

Bad Day

Ever have one of those days where you think it can’t get any worse???  This was my day today. Totally f***** up.  I hate my job!!!

 

Screamin’ Banchee

Every neighborhood has a kid or kids in it that you would like to take out into the woods and leave.  Bugs Bunny quote:  “Two go out, only one comes back”.  I’m not trying to be mean and it’s not that I don’t like kids, and I sure as Hell aint a child abuser, but we have a little boy next door, AKA: Screamin’ Banchee, that needs to have the shit beat right out of him.  This boy is maybe 5, rough guess.  We have lived here for 3 years this month, and this little brat does nothing but scream, ALL THE F****** TIME, every since we have lived here.  Here it is Saturday morning, I am trying to enjoy my pot of coffee and play my Zuma game in quiet, and this little bastard is out there screaming non stop at the top of his lungs.  All I have to say is DUCT TAPE, ASSHOLES!  I think God created it for children like that, and it should be mandatory to have in every home, along with a pistol of course.  Since these assholes don’t know how to spank their child, maybe I ought to throw my roll of duct tape over to them and tell them to use it, maybe they would get a clue, NOT!!  I could even offer to demonstrate. Saying something doesn’t work either, Mark already tried that, or maybe it was the way he said and what he said.  LOL!!  Now that was some funny shit. 🙂

This little bastard must be stopped!!!  HE’S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! 

New Look

Well, shit.  I haven’t been able to think of anything to write, so I gave myself a new look.  Too bad it’s not that easy in life. 

Opinions on the new look are welcome.  I don’t care for the selection that you have to choose from.  It would be nice if you could create your own look.  I already know what I want, I just have no way to put it in place.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday.  🙂

Typical Credit Card Companies

THIS IS SO FUNNY. 

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you that she died in January.”

Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”

Bank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Bank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Bank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?”

Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in January.”

Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Bank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (Lawyer info given)

Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (fax number is given) After they get the fax:

Bank: “Our system just isn’t set-up for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Bank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.”

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Bank: “That might help.”Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Bank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?”