FAITH
Faith. What is faith, does anyone really know?
I don’t like to talk much about religion because I don’t know a whole lot about it. I have never been a religious person, I don’t go to church, never have. I do think that if you believe in God, you shouldn’t have to go to a special place to pray. God will hear you anywhere you choose to do it.
When I lost my brother 9 years ago people would say that he is in a better place now, God has taken him for better things. At the time I wasn’t too sure about that. All I knew is that God took my brother from me before I was ready for him to go. My brother had been sick for some time and we knew he was going be leaving us, but I just wasn’t prepared. I thought I was but I wasn’t, a person never is in that situation. I always thought that was rather selfish on God’s part. I was very angry at God and wasn’t too sure if I had any faith left. I am still not sure.
Why would He take a young women and strike her down with cancer and take her away from a loving husband and three beautiful children? If that’s not being selfish on God’s part I don’t know what is. Michiyo was a nurse in Japan, she was a giver, not a taker. Why would God take her off this Earth for his own benefit? I have been asking myself that all day, and don’t have an answer. The death of my sister-in-law, which I was never blessed with the chance to meet, has stirred up some old resentful feelings. And I am not sure how to deal with them. I believe there is a God, but I just am not sure what He is up to sometimes. And I just don’t know if I have any faith left in him. I just don’t understand how He works.
So love your children like you will never see them again, tell them you love them, cherish them, show them. And Mark, my husband, my soul mate, if anything were to ever happen to you, I don’t know if I could go on. My heart would break into a million pieces. And my parents, oh my parents, I love you so much. And my brother, I love you dearly, even though I don’t show it like I should, I am thankful that I have you in my life.
So show your loved ones that you love them, tell them every day, you never know when God will decide that their time is up and take them.
mother said,
August 21, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Honey, as I write this with tears running down my face, my heart breaks for you. I don’t know what I could say to take your pain away. I don’t think your feelings are selfishness, it’s that we don’t understand why life can be so cruel at times. One thing I do know for sure is when these two young people crossed over, they walked that golden road with angels holding their hand to such a beatiful place, more than we could ever guess. I wish I could put into words how I feel like you do. But I do love you and your brother so much. I have been blessed with a beautiful son-in-law and daughter-in-law. I hope you don’t ever give up on God, He has been my salvation for the last nine years. Even when I was thinking of ending my life, God told me I still had two children left that needed me.
The Blonde said,
August 22, 2006 at 10:36 am
That is a very nice comment Mom. Thank you, and I love you very much.
Kathy C. said,
August 23, 2006 at 2:32 pm
you have two kids who appear to be doing good, a caring husband who would take a bullet for you, parents that are closer to you now than they ever have been, a brother who has always cared about you even if he never told you and a sister-in-law who knows some of what you are going through by her own experiences, who is there for you any time you need her, and feels that Mark lives on in TJ, hence the T for Timothy. Remember all this and know that things are good and you should only be thinking about caring for yourself because that is what counts and everyone else can take care of themselves. That is FAITH!
The Blonde said,
August 23, 2006 at 5:39 pm
Kathy, that is a beautiful comment. Thank you for opening my eyes to some things. One of these days I would like to discuss these words “sister-in-law who knows some of what you are going through by her own experiences”. Just makes me realize that I really don’t know my sister-in-law that well. But I do still love you just the same.
mother said,
August 23, 2006 at 6:12 pm
BOY!!! What a house full of wonderful young ladies I have!!!!!