A Bouquet for You….
How very true this is.
Tell your friends and family how much you love them now. It does no
good when they are
gone.
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truckload when I'm
gone.
Stolen from my cousin Patty
For My Loved Ones
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
And if I die
Before you do
I'll go to heaven
And wait for you
I'll give the angels
Back their wings
And risk the loss
Of everything
Just to prove
My friendship is true
I'm thankful to have
Family and Friends like you!
Memorial Day
You know, I sit here in front of my computer on this Memorial Day thinking "Boy it's nice not to have to go to work and actually get paid for it". But if you really think about it, Memorial Day is to remember our loved ones that were in the armed forces that are no longer with us. You know what, my brother wasn't military but I don't need a special day to remember Mark, who passed away nine years ago. Every day is Memorial Day for me. There is not a day goes by that I don't think about that special guy or see his face in my head. I have heard people say that they get to a point where they can no longer see so and so's face any more after a period of time. I have to call bullshit on that one. I lost my brother nine years ago this year on October 20, and I still see his face as if he was right here with me. So if they are miliatary or not they are in our thoughts and prayers daily, we don't need a special day to remember them. I personally think that Memorial Day is getting too commercialized.
I hope every one has a great Memorial Day, and please be safe whatever it is you may be doing. 
I love you my dear brother and I am always thinking about you. You may not be with me physically, but you are with me in spirit.
Texas Drinking Rule
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same stinking glass twice."
An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Texas cowboy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
God Bless America
Shoveling A Load
5,000 years ago Moses said, "Pick up your shovel, pack your ass, mount your camel and I shall lead you to the Promised Land."
200-plus years ago, George Washington said, "Get off your ass, use your shovel, clear the land, grow plants for camels and it will be the promised land."
Last week the Congress of the United States said "Si, Amigos, throw away your shovel, sit on your ass, light your Camels. We're giving you the promised land."
….Or something like that….
9 Things That Irritate Me About People
- People that point at their wrist while asking for the time…..I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
- People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
- When people say, “Oh, you just want your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
- When people say “it’s always the last place you look.”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
- When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
- People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?”…Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
- When something is ‘new and improved!’ Which is it? If it is new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.
- When people say, “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Chuckle For The Day 5/24/06
A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch." But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize. The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads..
"W I N A B A G E L"
Chuckle For The Day 5/23/06
GOLF'S WORSE 4-SOME
1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY, YOU ASK? Well, You're going to love this!
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST
Chuckle For The Day 5/18/06
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products .
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first
responders will be females who just ovulated. Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol. Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to another brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.
Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS
